Who you choose to marry will either make or mar you. Unfortunately, a lot of people forsake wisdom because
they believe that the solution to a bad marriage is divorce and single parenting.
exchange one set of problems for other greater ones.
Therefore, the wise
thing to do is to take care and choose right. For those of you who are yet waiting, please wait some more and get it
right. It may appear a long wait for you right now, but I tell you the days and years are longer in a bad marriage.
God desires for you to have peace and enjoy your marriage. He has prepared someone good for you and
somewhere in this world is that someone who would be compatible with you spiritually, socially, intellectually, mentally and physically. However, the responsibility of
finding this person is yours. It is a serious task but it is not as difficult as some have made it to be; if you know what to look for and how God thinks.
Often times, people have a special desire for a particular person, but if at the end of the day the person you desire
cannot walk with you, you will be frustrated. Therefore, God’s intention is not so much about Him giving you your
heart’s desire, but giving you who can walk with you.
That is why. When choosing a life partner, you must be very prayerful than any other thing. God will lead you but at the
end of the day you are the one who would have to choose for yourself; He will not choose for you but only when you
allow Him to influence your choice. (Psalms 37:3-9). That
is why the Bible says, “He that finds…” and not “God that finds.”
The reason behind this is that your maturity may be tested.
Marriage is about two mature people joining as one,
therefore if you are not mature enough to choose right; it
follows that you would also not be mature at taking right decisions in marriage.
Life is all about decisions.
The questions we would be
looking at here are designed to help us make a right,
matured and spiritual decisions on our marital partner:
1. WHO AM I?
Before you can know the person who is right for you, you
must know yourself. If you do no know who you are, it
would be impossible for you to find the right person to fit
you. The Bible asks rhetorically, “Can two walk together
except they agree?” (Amos 3:3). It is very vital that you
too should have in you the qualities you are looking for in
your future partner. For instance, if you want a prudent
husband /wife, you must be prudent yourself or else you
will have confusion in your home. Do you want a sincere,
faithful and honest/truthful husband/wife; you must be
sincere, faithful and honest/truthful alike. Do you want a
perfect gift from God? You have to be a perfect gift
yourself or else that perfect gift will intimidate you.
2. AM I OBSESSED AND COMMITED TO THE WILL OF
GOD?
God’s desire is to affect our entire lives for our own good.
His commandments are therefore all embracing. In
determining your commitment level, you need to ask how
far you are willing to go in walking with God and whether
there are areas you consider too sacred for God to touch.
Also consider how obedient you are to His Words written
in the Bible.
3. DO I HATE SIN WITH MY ENTIRE BEING AND WITH A
PASSION?
Through self examination, one should be able to say
whether one abhors sins or there are areas in which one is
willing to accept compromises. It is true that no one is
perfect, but if you marry someone who compromises and
who does not see sin as sin, then you have problems in
your hands.
4. IS HE/SHE A COMMITTED BELIEVER OR CHRISTIAN?
The Lord says that, “Do not be unequally yoked with an
unbeliever…” 2Corinthians 6:14-18. He is the
Manufacturer, Author and Maker of marriage and
relationships. He alone knows what is best and has given
this instruction for our good, peace and bliss. For perfect
spiritual compatibility, a Christian (devoted follower of
Christ) should choose a Christian, a Muslim should choose
a Muslim and other non-Christians should choose non-
Christians. If you marry a non-Christian, be ready to be an
in-law to the Devil (idols).
5. WHO AM I INTELLECTUALLY?
You must also be able to know your intellectual strengths
and abilities, that way you can determine who can agree
with you in this regard. Based on your academic
accomplishments, you should be able to say whether you
are likely to be threatened by your spouse’s intellectual
accomplishments or whether you will be able to provide
leadership, and in fact enhance her.
6. WHAT IGNORANCE WOULD DISTURB ME?
Some people are very exposed and well informed about
life, social etiquettes, world politics, fashion, current
affairs, etc; but others are not. And such ignorance may
be irritating; therefore, it is advisable that you look into
this area carefully.
7. WHAT PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL QUALITIES DO I
HAVE?
Apart from the spiritual and intellectual knowledge of one’s
self, the emotional, sexual and physical aspect is also
equally very important. In the aspect of the emotions, you
must find out if you are an extrovert or an introvert; if you
make friends easily or not, etc.
8. CAN I LOVE THIS PERSON FOR LIFE?
You need to be sure that this person you have chosen to
marry you will live him/her till death separates you, come
what may. Matthew 19:3-8.
9. DO I KNOW THE QUALITIES I AM LOOKING FOR IN
MY INTENDED SPOUSE?
You must know what you want in an intended spouse or
else you could see him/her but not recognize him/her.
Possibly list them and let the Holy Spirit guide your listing
against selfishness.
10. DOES HE/SHE HAVE QUALITIES I CANNOT LIVE
WITHOUT?
A lot of people settle for qualities that they can live with,
but this is an error. It is wiser to choose partner with
qualities you cannot do without. As we cannot live without
air and water, there are some traits/things that we need
our partners to have that will make life more comfortable
and bearable for us.
11. CAN MY INTENDED COMPLEMENT MY EFFORTS TO
FULFILL MY PURPOSE IN LIFE?
This is very important, but first of all, you need to identify
your purpose. That way you can now tell who would be
able to complement you and who cannot. Your spouse
must be committed to you as well committed to your
purpose.
12. CAN I HELP OR ALLOW HIM/HER TO ACCOMPLISH
HIS/HER GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE IN LIFE?
If you desire someone who will help you to get to where
you are going in life, you should also be willing to
reciprocate the gesture.
13. IS HE/SHE FLEXIBLE AND UNDERSTANDING OR
RIGID AND UNCOMPROMISING?
You need to have a person who can adjust to your needs.
If he/she is not, it is indicative that the choice you have
made is a poor one.
14. AM I PROUD OF HIM/HER?
Can I proudly introduce my intended partner to my family
and friends or am I embarrassed to take him/her out to
visit people? Can we walk together along the street, sit
together in the car or any other public transport means?
Am I always excited when people see us together? Can
we wear same clothes?
15. DO I KNOW MY INTENDED PARTNER’S STRENGTHS
AND WEAKNESSES?
Concentrate therefore on knowing the person you are
intending to marry rather than indulging in sex, petting or
necking as these would create false intimacy, arouse
unguided and unguarded emotions and blind you to
objective judgments.
16. AM I READY TO ACCEPT HIM/HER WITH HIS/HER
FAULTS?
You need to decide if you can celebrate your intended
partner with all his/her faults and weaknesses. If you
cannot, you’ll end up frustrating yourselves. You must
understand as you take steps to the altar, that marriage
requires unconditional love, an unconditional commitment
to an imperfect person. In spite of his/her faults, you must
love and celebrate your partner in marriage. Therefore, care
must be taken to know the faults and imperfections of the
person you have chosen to marry.
17. DO I ACCEPT HIS/HER FRIENDS AS MY FRIENDS?
If you are uncomfortable with your intended partner’s
friends, it is a pointer that you probably do not know him/
her enough and you can’t afford to marry a stranger.
Marriage will commit you to accepting his/her friends,
family and all he/she stands for and show that you have
fully accepted him/her.
18. HAVE WE DISCUSSED OUR DIFFERENCES?
You need to discuss those basic things that are very
different between you two. For instance, family
background, educational background, differences between
a man and a woman (physiology, mannerism, characters
and traits/habits, etc).
19. CAN WE PLAY TOGETHER?
Life isn’t all about work, business and all that seriousness.
A couple needs to relax sometimes and just play. Do you
play together? Can you indeed play together? Can you
cope with his/her hobbies?
20. DO WE BRING OUT THE BEST IN EACH OTHER?
Do both of you encourage and inspire each other to
greater heights? How does your presence or intervention
affect his/her performance? This is very important.
21. AM I MARRYING HIM/HER BECAUSE I BELIEVE I
CAN CHANGE HIM/HER, BECAUSE MY FRIENDS LIKE
HIM/HER OR MY PARENTS PRESSES ME TO MARRY?
It is instructive for you to note at this time that you can’t
change anybody. If you don’t like what you see now there
is every tendency that it will still not change in marriage.
People are unhappy in marriages today because they
believed at one point that they could change their
spouses.
The list of questions is not exhaustive, but they are
pointers to the right direction.
they believe that the solution to a bad marriage is divorce and single parenting.
This is even worse because the only
thing divorce does is that it makes you exchange one set of problems for other greater ones.
Therefore, the wise
thing to do is to take care and choose right. For those of you who are yet waiting, please wait some more and get it
right. It may appear a long wait for you right now, but I tell you the days and years are longer in a bad marriage.
God desires for you to have peace and enjoy your marriage. He has prepared someone good for you and
somewhere in this world is that someone who would be compatible with you spiritually, socially, intellectually, mentally and physically. However, the responsibility of
finding this person is yours. It is a serious task but it is not as difficult as some have made it to be; if you know what to look for and how God thinks.
Often times, people have a special desire for a particular person, but if at the end of the day the person you desire
cannot walk with you, you will be frustrated. Therefore, God’s intention is not so much about Him giving you your
heart’s desire, but giving you who can walk with you.
That is why. When choosing a life partner, you must be very prayerful than any other thing. God will lead you but at the
end of the day you are the one who would have to choose for yourself; He will not choose for you but only when you
allow Him to influence your choice. (Psalms 37:3-9). That
is why the Bible says, “He that finds…” and not “God that finds.”
The reason behind this is that your maturity may be tested.
Marriage is about two mature people joining as one,
therefore if you are not mature enough to choose right; it
follows that you would also not be mature at taking right decisions in marriage.
Life is all about decisions.
The questions we would be
looking at here are designed to help us make a right,
matured and spiritual decisions on our marital partner:
1. WHO AM I?
Before you can know the person who is right for you, you
must know yourself. If you do no know who you are, it
would be impossible for you to find the right person to fit
you. The Bible asks rhetorically, “Can two walk together
except they agree?” (Amos 3:3). It is very vital that you
too should have in you the qualities you are looking for in
your future partner. For instance, if you want a prudent
husband /wife, you must be prudent yourself or else you
will have confusion in your home. Do you want a sincere,
faithful and honest/truthful husband/wife; you must be
sincere, faithful and honest/truthful alike. Do you want a
perfect gift from God? You have to be a perfect gift
yourself or else that perfect gift will intimidate you.
2. AM I OBSESSED AND COMMITED TO THE WILL OF
GOD?
God’s desire is to affect our entire lives for our own good.
His commandments are therefore all embracing. In
determining your commitment level, you need to ask how
far you are willing to go in walking with God and whether
there are areas you consider too sacred for God to touch.
Also consider how obedient you are to His Words written
in the Bible.
3. DO I HATE SIN WITH MY ENTIRE BEING AND WITH A
PASSION?
Through self examination, one should be able to say
whether one abhors sins or there are areas in which one is
willing to accept compromises. It is true that no one is
perfect, but if you marry someone who compromises and
who does not see sin as sin, then you have problems in
your hands.
4. IS HE/SHE A COMMITTED BELIEVER OR CHRISTIAN?
The Lord says that, “Do not be unequally yoked with an
unbeliever…” 2Corinthians 6:14-18. He is the
Manufacturer, Author and Maker of marriage and
relationships. He alone knows what is best and has given
this instruction for our good, peace and bliss. For perfect
spiritual compatibility, a Christian (devoted follower of
Christ) should choose a Christian, a Muslim should choose
a Muslim and other non-Christians should choose non-
Christians. If you marry a non-Christian, be ready to be an
in-law to the Devil (idols).
5. WHO AM I INTELLECTUALLY?
You must also be able to know your intellectual strengths
and abilities, that way you can determine who can agree
with you in this regard. Based on your academic
accomplishments, you should be able to say whether you
are likely to be threatened by your spouse’s intellectual
accomplishments or whether you will be able to provide
leadership, and in fact enhance her.
6. WHAT IGNORANCE WOULD DISTURB ME?
Some people are very exposed and well informed about
life, social etiquettes, world politics, fashion, current
affairs, etc; but others are not. And such ignorance may
be irritating; therefore, it is advisable that you look into
this area carefully.
7. WHAT PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL QUALITIES DO I
HAVE?
Apart from the spiritual and intellectual knowledge of one’s
self, the emotional, sexual and physical aspect is also
equally very important. In the aspect of the emotions, you
must find out if you are an extrovert or an introvert; if you
make friends easily or not, etc.
8. CAN I LOVE THIS PERSON FOR LIFE?
You need to be sure that this person you have chosen to
marry you will live him/her till death separates you, come
what may. Matthew 19:3-8.
9. DO I KNOW THE QUALITIES I AM LOOKING FOR IN
MY INTENDED SPOUSE?
You must know what you want in an intended spouse or
else you could see him/her but not recognize him/her.
Possibly list them and let the Holy Spirit guide your listing
against selfishness.
10. DOES HE/SHE HAVE QUALITIES I CANNOT LIVE
WITHOUT?
A lot of people settle for qualities that they can live with,
but this is an error. It is wiser to choose partner with
qualities you cannot do without. As we cannot live without
air and water, there are some traits/things that we need
our partners to have that will make life more comfortable
and bearable for us.
11. CAN MY INTENDED COMPLEMENT MY EFFORTS TO
FULFILL MY PURPOSE IN LIFE?
This is very important, but first of all, you need to identify
your purpose. That way you can now tell who would be
able to complement you and who cannot. Your spouse
must be committed to you as well committed to your
purpose.
12. CAN I HELP OR ALLOW HIM/HER TO ACCOMPLISH
HIS/HER GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE IN LIFE?
If you desire someone who will help you to get to where
you are going in life, you should also be willing to
reciprocate the gesture.
13. IS HE/SHE FLEXIBLE AND UNDERSTANDING OR
RIGID AND UNCOMPROMISING?
You need to have a person who can adjust to your needs.
If he/she is not, it is indicative that the choice you have
made is a poor one.
14. AM I PROUD OF HIM/HER?
Can I proudly introduce my intended partner to my family
and friends or am I embarrassed to take him/her out to
visit people? Can we walk together along the street, sit
together in the car or any other public transport means?
Am I always excited when people see us together? Can
we wear same clothes?
15. DO I KNOW MY INTENDED PARTNER’S STRENGTHS
AND WEAKNESSES?
Concentrate therefore on knowing the person you are
intending to marry rather than indulging in sex, petting or
necking as these would create false intimacy, arouse
unguided and unguarded emotions and blind you to
objective judgments.
16. AM I READY TO ACCEPT HIM/HER WITH HIS/HER
FAULTS?
You need to decide if you can celebrate your intended
partner with all his/her faults and weaknesses. If you
cannot, you’ll end up frustrating yourselves. You must
understand as you take steps to the altar, that marriage
requires unconditional love, an unconditional commitment
to an imperfect person. In spite of his/her faults, you must
love and celebrate your partner in marriage. Therefore, care
must be taken to know the faults and imperfections of the
person you have chosen to marry.
17. DO I ACCEPT HIS/HER FRIENDS AS MY FRIENDS?
If you are uncomfortable with your intended partner’s
friends, it is a pointer that you probably do not know him/
her enough and you can’t afford to marry a stranger.
Marriage will commit you to accepting his/her friends,
family and all he/she stands for and show that you have
fully accepted him/her.
18. HAVE WE DISCUSSED OUR DIFFERENCES?
You need to discuss those basic things that are very
different between you two. For instance, family
background, educational background, differences between
a man and a woman (physiology, mannerism, characters
and traits/habits, etc).
19. CAN WE PLAY TOGETHER?
Life isn’t all about work, business and all that seriousness.
A couple needs to relax sometimes and just play. Do you
play together? Can you indeed play together? Can you
cope with his/her hobbies?
20. DO WE BRING OUT THE BEST IN EACH OTHER?
Do both of you encourage and inspire each other to
greater heights? How does your presence or intervention
affect his/her performance? This is very important.
21. AM I MARRYING HIM/HER BECAUSE I BELIEVE I
CAN CHANGE HIM/HER, BECAUSE MY FRIENDS LIKE
HIM/HER OR MY PARENTS PRESSES ME TO MARRY?
It is instructive for you to note at this time that you can’t
change anybody. If you don’t like what you see now there
is every tendency that it will still not change in marriage.
People are unhappy in marriages today because they
believed at one point that they could change their
spouses.
The list of questions is not exhaustive, but they are
pointers to the right direction.
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